Breast Feeding: Behind The Breast Feeding
What does Gregg known about breast feeding? Well I learned a hell of a lot last night! I don't think I breast fed as a baby which could be the reason for my constant lash outs on the weak, the sick & the poor.I was hanging out at my friends house last night and he and his girl just had a baby. Ok so to protect their names and privacy I will make up names for the people involved. My friend who is a male we will call him Terry and for his lady friend we shall call her Sam. Well after Sam had the baby she began breast feeding and pumping. Around this same time she joined a Yahoo Group for "Breast Feeding Moms" It's a kind of a support group where other moms give each other helpful tips on breast feeding and pumping. Like for instance one woman in the group can pump 9 oz of milk per pumping while Sam can only pump 2 oz. I wonder if the 9 oz woman is part cow?!?!
Some of the women in this group even sell their own breast milk. When Sam said this to me I was as shocked as when I found out Henry Gail was really one of the "Others". I was like man that's really disgusting and seemingly unsanitary. Sam said this is common practice and that you can make some good money by selling your own breast milk. The milk is filled with many nutrients and goes through rigorous testing. It goes through such tough testing because breast milk which is a bodily fluid can pass on HIV, Hepatitis & more fun stuff. I would never buy breast milk for my child. I'll stick to formula and bottles of Gerber apple sauce. Screw the tainted sour breast milk! Give me apples or give me death!
Well Sam went on to say that the group was so wildly active that she was literally getting 1,000 emails per day in her mailbox. She decided to leave the group but before she did a single mom with a 5 year old emailed her and wanted to stay in touch with Sam. Sam comes to find out this woman is a lesbo. I'm talking a full on lezzi. You know the kind that likks carpet muching! So this lady "Aspire" (we'll give her a stipper name) started to email Sam all these weird questions like "When your baby is breast feeding does it feel good?" Now Sam was weirded out by this and answered with "Yes it feels good to know I'm giving my baby something healthy". Aspire comes back with "No, you know what I mean like..does it feel good on your breast?" Sam is so grossed out she answers the lady the same way she answered the question before.
Aspire goes on to tell Sam that she still breast feeds her 5 year old child especially if her child can't fall asleep. Then after her daughter breast feeds Aspire masturbates. By the time Sam tells me this about Aspire I'm like dying laughing and practically falling off my wheelchair in shock! What fucking crazy lady first still breast feeds a fucking 5 year old child? Then second off masturbates?!??!? This world is going crazy!!! A 5 yea old still breast feeding would've been like having a scene in "Home Alone" at the end where Macaulay Culkin starts breast feeding from his mom because of being so distraught about being left alone. Crazy huh?!?!
Sam tells me more info about breast feeding moms. Stories of how a lot of moms who breast feed actually orgasm from breast feeding. I felt so violated and turned on at the same time (:P) by all this new info. I would never think in a million years that moms are getting sexual pleasure from breast feeding. Like it never crossed my mind. Which is kind of strange because a lot of weird things pass through my head but not this! I wish I would've known this because I could've totally put it in my "Sunday Sex Stories" that I write for biblesexstories.com.
I hope I've made you a little more informed on breast feeding as a whole. Especially you new mothers or mom to be's. Knowing is only half the battle and we must fight for what we believe in. If we believe in anything lets believe together and together we will live to fight another day! Ha ha God that sounds like a bunch of horse shiiiiit doesn't it?!?! My mouth is dry from the nap I just took so I'm going to go get some fresh ice cold spring water. Keep breast feeding but be safe about it. This PSA was brought to you by "greggoconnell.com you're online source for all human bodily fluids"
gso
I tried to breast feed after having junior... didn't work out I was going to stop at about 8 months cause I figured that would be enough... 5 years is nuts
Posted by Julianne B | October 26, 2006 8:22 PM
5 years and counting!!!
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | October 26, 2006 9:55 PM
ick... on so mant different levels it's scary
Posted by Julianne B | October 27, 2006 1:32 AM
I'm upset on many levels, the least of which is the fact that someone who looks like Ewan McGregor is discussing breast feeding.
Then again, maybe I'm just irritated that I didn't know you could sell it. I was one of those part cow moms. I could have been rich! RICH I TELL YOU!
Posted by QofD | October 27, 2006 3:51 AM
julianne: i hope you don't therapy after all this trauma
gofd: I look like Ewan Mcgregor? thx :) I always thought Charlie Sheen..yes? no?
it's too bad we can't pump milk and sell it as a PT job!
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | October 27, 2006 6:06 AM
Another reason why I don't want to be a mother..!!
Posted by Kristyn | October 27, 2006 6:15 AM
you don't want to be a mother because you don't want to orgasm?
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | October 27, 2006 6:39 AM
That is really fuckin' gross. Isn't there some kind of law against breast feeding a 5 year old? You wish you were one of those kids, huh?
Posted by Erica Putis | October 27, 2006 9:35 AM
it's not a law yet but i am trying to get it passed. Vote yes on propisition 55
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | October 27, 2006 9:48 AM
I told you, you should go into politics.
Posted by Erica Putis | October 27, 2006 10:08 AM
politics are for phony liars! I am a real liar!
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | October 27, 2006 10:28 AM
Ha. I don't want to be a mother for a lot of reasons. Orgasming while BF-ing would freak me out, that's so disgusting!
Posted by Kristyn | October 27, 2006 11:27 AM
Gregg, that photo of just your eyes reminds me of Ewan McGregor... who, by the way, is the only guy I would leave my husband for. ;)
Your post got me to thinking though. Maybe I should just have one more kid, then I will form a business partnership with a dairy so that I could use their milking equipment and live off the proceeds for the rest of my natural life.
Posted by QofD | October 27, 2006 12:27 PM
ya i agree orgasming while BF'ing is strange! plus its a good reason NOT to have kids!
QofD: my eyes make a lot of girls melt. i'm just glad i've given you hope for the future of man kind.
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | October 27, 2006 12:36 PM