10 Reasons To NOT Believe in God
This is really in no particular order. Enjoy it :)1. When you die you won't be let down by not seeing God or getting into Heaven.
2. Your chances of being molested by a priest go down drastically.
3. You get to have intercourse with as many people as possible without the guilt trip of thinking the big guy upstairs wouldn't want you doing this!
4. You get 5 minutes freed up every night before you go to bed. Woohoo to 5 extra minutes of sleep!
5. Masturbate every single morning, noon & night. Right now "God" says masturbation is bad! bad! bad! so get your hands out of your pants!!!
6. You get to finally worship Satan and wear black every day!
7. No more stale pieces of bread and cranberry juice!
8. You can start dating your best friend Mike without feeling guilty, even if he has the same genitalia as you!
9. You can finally believe in evolution. Now you can freely and confidently say that we derived from apes at one time or another.
10. No more believing that Ole Mighty God is the one responsible for all the massive natural disasters and that the world is going to end soon because we are all fighting with one another. We know that WE are the ones that can and will end our world not some supernatural force!
Did I miss anything?
gso
Oh behalf of Jim Gaffigan and Believers of God all over the world...you're going to hell in AT LEAST three different religions.
And on behalf of my friend who really wanted to tell you this herself, "You're just a big doody head."
Posted by Girl In Her Underwear | January 22, 2007 10:34 PM
hahahahahaha Nothing to do with this god thing- but just watched your vid on "things u r afraid of" That was wicked funny- Got a good laugh on that. hhaha Phat stuff
PS Its Steve From New Zealand "Good di mite!!!
Posted by Anonymous | January 22, 2007 11:52 PM
Hey there... sorry I have been super stupid busy lately.. thank god I can blog from my blackberry.. anyway... here are my comments from the posts i just caught up on.
1.)they don't have target here in Canada and so i think that Wal-mart rocks, opinion will probebly change when we get one.. adn I didn't listen to the drunk guy, cause I don't have enought time to listen to some moron sloched on cheep malt liquor..
2.)Joel Osteen is creepy.. your right.. not arguement here... I would probebly cross the street if I saw him coming...
3.)Awesoem interview with Dirty Laundry... it was just to bad I wasn't mentioned... *sniff*.. you hate me... *sniff*.. I know get off my high horse.. i'm not that important.. well at least according to my sister i'm not that important..
4.) all very good points about the not believeing in god thing... especially 3,5,8 and 10..
and now that i'm all caught up... have a good day.
Posted by Julianne B | January 23, 2007 12:25 AM
girl in her panties: haven't you ever heard of satire? Come on you must've laughed at least to one of the top 10 right?!??
your friend: God bless them!
steve: where's your fears video?
julianne: 1. he was drunk on champagne!!!
2. haha good move since he does still peoples money!
3. ill always love you like my own wife that ive never seen you know that love!
4. you horny?
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | January 23, 2007 4:46 AM
You may not believe in God, but have so considered alternate creation theories? Take the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for example...
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Posted by Wormbrain | January 23, 2007 7:48 AM
wormbrain: haha that sites nutty...spaghetti God!
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | January 23, 2007 7:56 AM
I love wearing black and you love dating Mike!! Spaghetti to the rescue!!!!
Posted by Erica AP | January 23, 2007 9:44 AM
Even if you believe in God you can still masturbate morning, noon and night, just ask for forgiveness, and poof, Golden! (well that better be how it works or I'm just F'ed (or jerked).
Posted by g-man | January 23, 2007 9:56 AM
erica: I only now like Barilla omega 3 infused spaghetti!
gman: you need a bible with you at all times especially when you're feeling weak
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | January 23, 2007 10:18 AM
1.) finie the.. someoron drunk on champagne
2.)didn't know that and thanks for letting me know.. that mkan isn't getting with 8 feet of me...
3.) awesome your husband number three... my internet husband... now take out the trash
4.) and I'm an alberta house wife... I'm always horny... 24/7/365.. it gets rather annoying at times
Posted by Julianne B | January 23, 2007 10:33 AM
julianne: 4. make a video please and share it with us!
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | January 23, 2007 10:42 AM
boy are you barking up the wrong tree... my 1st husband has been try to get me to do one for years
Posted by Julianne B | January 23, 2007 11:01 AM
Great work Gregg. One of your bests blogs to date:
How bout some more reasons...
- U won't ever hurt or kill someone else in the name of God.
- U won't be hurt or killed in the name of God if no one else believed in God.
'Preachers' won't get rich off talking about God.
Mormons and Jehovah's won't show up at your door and try to 'save' you during dinner.
:) Capn Mo
Posted by dc1904 | January 23, 2007 2:41 PM
Captain: very valid points. Now onto the Jews :P
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | January 23, 2007 7:51 PM
Hello Gregg Oconnell- you should check out www.richarddawkins.net
He is the sanest man ever!
Posted by AB | January 26, 2007 3:53 AM
AB: he is a genius!
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | January 26, 2007 4:42 AM
You missed:
You can agree with the people in the LPL bathroom who are talking about how they don't want to have to follow conservative christian beliefs rather than pick a fight with them.
Posted by B Teezy! | January 27, 2007 8:10 AM
b teezy: right on brah! whens our double date?
Posted by Gregg O'Connell | January 28, 2007 8:13 AM
Read The God Delusion its brilliant!
Posted by AB | January 29, 2007 5:15 AM